Sunday, August 22, 2010
It's like that feeling after you go to summer camp and spend a whole week (or two) with good friends, going swimming, hiking, running, singing, playing pranks, and then you go home and you're depressed because you miss being with great people all the time and instead you're alone on your couch. You're coming down from the summer camp 'high'. That's exactly what it feels like now.
Weddings go way too fast. Especially given the amount of time put in to them, they go way too fast. All of our best friends and family flew in to town and it was a crazy whirlwind of fun, celebration and emotion and then they were gone! I'm still processing all of that. What's made it even more difficult is that Micael and I went straight back to work after the wedding--we won't go on our honeymoon until September 4--so we still haven't spent much time together as husband and wife yet.
However, all of that said, these 'blues' are fleeting. I keep getting the question--How is wedded life? And the immediate answer...it is wonderful. Not so much because the wedding changed anything between us, but actually because the wedding having passed, it's given us back to one another. No more planning, no more stress and anticipation, Micael comes home at the end of the day or I get back from the restaurant and we sit together, eat dinner, watch a movie, joke and laugh about nothing. Just like it was, we were, before we got engaged--but now we have a more open window into each others' lives because of the family and friends we've met and opened ourselves to. It's like us, but now with richer colors all around.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sonnet 17I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
in which there is no I or you
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand
so intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close
For Marriage/ John O'Donohue
As spring unfolds the dream of the earth,
may you bring each other's hearts to birth.
As the ocean finds calm in view of land,
may you love the gaze of each other's mind.
As the wind arises free and wild,
may nothing negative control your lives.
As kindly as moonlight might search the dark,
so gentle may you be when light grows scarce.
As surprised as the silence that music opens,
may your words for each other be touched with reverence.
As warmly as the air draws in the light,
may you welcome each other's every gift.
As elegant as dream absorbing the night,
may sleep find you clear of anger and hurt.
As twilight harvests all the day's color,
may love bring you home to each other.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Under a thick summer rain and the soft voices of emotion, it was difficult to hear what was said last Saturday. Here are the words Micael and I shared with one another.
I didn’t know when I met you that I would fall in love with you. But after learning who you were and who we were together, I fell very hard. And in that falling there was a choosing. I chose you then and I’ve chosen you every day since.
I love you for your kindness, your patience, your gentleness, your curiosity. I love you for the person you bring out in me, for making me feel at home when I’m with you.
Now, I vow to love you in our life together—in the small things and the big things, to love you when it’s easy and also when it’s hard. I vow to love you when we’re sick and when we’re well, in the shade and the sunshine. I vow to love you for who you are now and who you will become. I vow to be faithful to you, to create a family with you, to build a home with you, and to never give up on you, or on us.
You have every part of me. I choose you now and every day I have.
And the poem we read at the beginning of our vows:
Already you are mine. Rest with your dream inside my dream.
Love, grief, labour, must sleep now
Night revolves on invisible wheels
and joined to me you are pure as sleeping amber.
No one else will sleep with my dream, love.
You will go we will go joined by the waters of time.
No other one will travel the shadows with me,
only you, eternal nature, eternal sun, eternal moon.
Already your hands have opened their delicate fists
and let fall, without direction, their gentle signs,
your eyes enclosing themselves like two grey wings,
while I follow the waters you bring that take me onwards:
night, Earth, winds weave their fate, and already,
not only am I not without you, I alone am your dream.