Monday, August 02, 2010


How do you write marriage vows? I'm working on this right now and when I have the words in my head and I imagine saying them to Micael, they seem thoughtful, sincere, moving. But when I write them down, recite them, they seem to lose something--they start to feel canned and cliché. I can imagine that in that moment, in front of all those people, those words--whatever they are--are very significant. That the vow you make seems more solid in that moment than now, sitting on my couch on a Monday afternoon. But I can't help the feeling that our vows are made over years together, the little promises we make to one another, the adjustments, the compromises, the gifts and sacrifices that create a bond, a relationship, a marriage. I can say in my vows, I choose you, I vow to be faithful to you, but saying it almost seems to inhibit the power that comes from not needing to say it, because he already knows, because that is who I have always shown him I am. So am I saying these vows for myself, for him, for the people gathered with us? I wrote in my last entry that we believe in this ritual, we believe it has power to shape us and shape our path together. How do I write words that can honor the power of that ritual?

I am already emotionally spent and the week is just beginning. Friends and family arrive today, tomorrow and on throughout the week. I am overjoyed, anxious, exhausted, excited and nervous all at the same time. I miss Micael for all the time we've spent apart, working and getting ready for this. I can't imagine anything better than a quiet walk, just the two of us. But that's not in the cards this week or next. The quiet time together will come, and when it does, we will see more of one another for everything we experienced, struggled, labored for and put forth in this wedding. I know, from having planned this with him for six months, that we can communicate, we can fight and make up, we can create and execute and compromise, and love throughout all of it. I know, from all this, that we are truly partners.

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